This is Not a Perfect Story

This post is going to be a very personal and in depth analysis of my relationship with Ricky. I’m going to share with you the story of our relationship from the shy beginnings to the silly and loving present, as well as the fights and tears in between. I think that this kind of post is important because it’s always relieving to see that others in relationships are going through the same things as you. Although I am only 20 years old, after three years of dating I feel that I have learned a lot from my first serious relationship and my first love.

IMG_1007

The Beginning.

Ricky and I met while working at Little Caesar’s Pizza, which happened to be both of our first jobs. Honestly, I don’t even remember the first time I met Ricky because I was so infatuated with another boy who worked there, who we will call Trey. Trey and I went on a few dates and even hung out with our coworkers, including Ricky. But ultimately Trey was older and was interested in, ahem, other things (and other girls) so he ended our little dates.

Enter Ricky. Our group of friends at work kept hinting to me that Ricky thought I was cute and that he had a crush on me but I never returned his affections in the beginning. Ricky had aways been quiet and whenever I tried to make conversation with him, it were short and to the point. I even believed that he didn’t like me because of how quiet he was around me. I was shocked when I was told that he had a crush on me. Skip to me and Ricky working more shifts together after he transfers full time to my store (which it’s rumored he did just to spend more time with me) and a lot of Buffalo Wild Wings trips with the gang, more flirtation, and him opening up, I develop a crush and Ricky asks me on a date.

After a few dates- including mini golf and ice cream (our first), attending the local fair together, and watching him play in his recreational softball games- Ricky asked me to officially be his girlfriend after about a month of dating. We shared our first kiss on September 25th in the Little Caesar’s parking lot where he asked me to be his girlfriend.

After the Honeymoon. 

After we had been dating for a few months I could tell that we were in this for the long haul. We both like to joke and be silly and we enjoy the same types of movies and outdoor activities. I admire his work ethic and ambition and he respects my passion for writing and encouraged me to change my major when I wasn’t sure what career to follow.

However, we are both very stubborn people who enjoy being correct in every situation. This was rough in the beginning when we first began to fight over little things. Why doesn’t he clean his room more? Why don’t I drive better? Why did he/she wear this? It also doesn’t help that I tend to take comments very personal and Ricky is very blunt. He isn’t rude per say, but he has no finesse when it comes to the English language. Things would get rough and I would get frustrated and I could tell he would get frustrated too.

I ended things with Ricky one night after a fight over when we wanted to go see a movie. He wanted it his way and I wanted it my way. Frankly, I had enough and broke up with him. It sounds petty but we communicated poorly and mostly bottled things up until we would explode in a storm of sarcasm and fury. The next day I immediately regretted my decision and, after a heart to heart with my dad about how no one is perfect and a second chance is ok, I called him and asked to meet in persona and beg for forgiveness. We reconciled and I have since learned a lot about how to communicate in better ways.

My tips for relationships

  • Take a chance on the guy who wouldn’t normally be your type. Especially if your current type is the hot guy who lies to you. A charming boy who respects you is worth way more than a pretty face.
  • Just relax. Who cares if he wants to take the longer way to the movies in your opinion? Or if she doesn’t always rinse her plate off? I bet there are things about you that bug your partner too. Don’t sweat the small stuff and your partner won’t either.
  • Have fun. Never take yourself or your relationship too seriously. The second I stopped trying to make Ricky the perfect boyfriend and decided to just enjoy him, the happier I became. And when I decided to be just as goofy as him and loosen up, we both became much happier.
  • Talk it out. Something on your mind? Bring it up. Upset about that comment? Tell them. Don’t bottle it up and create a mess of resentment. Talk it out.
  • You don’t have to like the same exact things. I think it’s important to have a good common foundation, like having the same morals and ways of looking at the world. But I like Doctor Who and he doesn’t. He likes anime and I don’t. We both like Star Wars and that’s all that matters.
  • Love each other. Ricky and I once read that you should tell your partner that you appreciate them. We jokingly began telling each other “I appreciate you” randomly. Now, when Ricky tells me “I appreciate you” while I do the dishes or pick up his messy clothes, I can tell it means something and I cherish it. I strive to make him feel loved and wonderful just as he makes me feel.

“All that you are is all that I’ll ever need” -Ed Sheeran

 

Advertisements

California Vibes

I have recently arrived home after staying in California for almost three weeks! While my journey to the “sun shine state” was full of adventures and relaxation, I am very happy to be back in the Pacific Northwest and to be home with my family before I move across the state in a couple of weeks! But that’s an entirely different story.

Here’s a little over view of my trip: Me, my boyfriend, his mother, grandmother, and two sisters all packed into one SUV, secured our luggage, and drove down California way. The drive is a total of 22 hours but we took a pit stop in San Francisco before making our way down to southern California where my boyfriend’s family lives.

This is the third time my boyfriend (his name is Ricky in case I haven’t mentioned that) and I have traveled to California to visit his family so we are pretty used to the road trip ways. The ride is always fun but it is long and tedious at the same time!

I am very blessed to have been able to journey with Ricky and his wonderful family back to their home state! Our trip was full of laughs and I made some great memories!

I have decided to share some things that I found to love about California as well as some things that I did not like!

Things I Enjoyed about California

  1. The sunshine: Although it was incredibly hot, the sunshine was very enjoyable. Every day was a day in paradise. IMG-0952
  2. The outfits: Sundresses, sun hats, rompers, shorts, need I say more!IMG-0791
  3. Beaches: Laying in the sand, taking in the sun, and reading a book is the best! Swimming in the ocean wasn’t bad either!IMG-0830
  4. Food: Ricky’s family is Hispanic and we ate a lot of amazing and authentic Mexican food during this trip! We also treated ourselves to a steakhouse one night and enjoyed countless trips to In-N-Out.IMG-0387
  5. The energy: The people in California were always full of spirit and entertaining. Obviously there are some bad seeds that can kill the vibe, but overall my experience with the people and places in California was positive!
  6. PetCo Park: This baseball park is amazing! The Cali feel to it with the palm trees and San Diego breeze creates one beautiful park which is great for a Padres game with the family!IMG-0960

Things I DID NOT Enjoy about California

  1. The Construction: Construction is always taking place and it’s always happening at the worst time. For example: When you have 20 miles left of gas and construction on an exit ramp is blocking you from the closest gas station. Oh, and the next gas station is 35 miles away.IMG-1011
  2. Driving/Drivers: Remember when I said California drivers had a lot of energy? Well they also have that same energy when they get on the road. There were accidents every single time we went on the freeway.
  3. The sunshine: As a fair skinned red head, I didn’t sun burn as much as I had in years past. But the sun is always something that has to be taken into consideration! Walking out to your car can make you sweat and staying outside for over an hour is almost impossible during the afternoon.
  4. Overpopulation: Lots of traffic. Lots of people. Lots of smog. I was definitely missing the blue skies and scenic mountains and trees of my Pacific Northwest Home!

Again, my trip to California was incredible! Although there were some aspects of it that I didn’t always enjoy, I wouldn’t have given up my time with ricky and his family for the world! IMG-0807

“It doesn’t matter where you’re going, it’s who you have beside you.”

BONUS: Me standing with a Dalek at the San Diego Comic Con!

IMG-0924

Finding Courage

As I sit here writing this very post, I have my universities list of majors and colleges pulled up on the left hand side of the screen. I have stared at this exact page, countless times, just hoping that my prayers will be answered and suddenly I will know exactly which career path to choose and I will have discovered my life’s passion.

Alas, no such career inspirations have jumped out at me. Well, except for one. I click again on the “Bachelor’s in English with a Creative Writing Option” and read the course description. I imagine my life as a successful author, editor, or journalist. I envision spending my life surrounded by books, creativity, and a passion for words that never dies. All I do is hope that I have the courage to take this path!

For years I have convinced myself that I want to be a teacher. I have always had a passion for education and I have always wanted to make sure that when I leave college I will have a job lined up. Teaching is a safe way to go and I know that in my heart. I believe that I could have so much more and do something that I am truly passionate about.

So what has sparked this sudden bravery and possible change in major? Well let’s start from the beginning.

My sister Erica has a passion for horse riding. I have watched her grow into a strong and talented rider from the age of three. And now, at the ripe young age of eighteen, she has been offered a job at a quality horse barn where she will make countless new connections and be able to work with the animals she loves while learning and making new memories and gaining experience in the field she wants to pursue. I am absolutely over the moon for her and I cannot wait to see how this job turns out for her!

Watching her talk about this new job left me feeling jealous. I am jealous that she knows whole heartedly what she wants to do with her life and that she’s not afraid to give up her comfortable job and college career to follow it. This feeling of jealousy made me realize that I do not want to teach. I want to follow my heart and pursue my goals of writing. I want to reach people with my words, share stories, and create communities through books and articles. I feel invigorated and excited to finally have the courage to pursue this option in my life.

I think it’s important to believe in yourself and truly follow your heart. When it comes down to it, I know that I will have the courage to pursue the dreams that I have for myself and live the life that I have dreamt of.

 

“What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven’t happened yet.”

15 of My Favorite Things

 

I thought that by listing some of my favorite things I would be able to share more about myself in a positive and fun way!

  1. Painting my nails perfectly with a color that I love: I don’t know exactly what it is about a fresh coat of nail polish and vibrant color but it truly inspires me. Glancing down at my perfectly painted nails, knowing that I adorned them so brilliantly and clearly, gives me confidence and a certain sense of satisfaction that just brightens my day.
  2. Taking Naps: Napping is something I love and hate at the same time. I love my naps, I sometimes schedule my entire day around them and  truly look forward to taking them. But man oh man, do they cut down on my productivity levels. But that feeling of drifting off into blissful sleep is just so satisfying I can’t seem to give it up.
  3. Watching TV or Movies or Reading: Again, not very productive activities but this post isn’t about advice on how to be more productive. I love when a book can make me feel some serious emotions, when a movie can move me to tears, or when a TV show can make me feel like I want to be a better person. The fact that these fictional things can excite, sadden, and move me in profound ways has always inspired me.
  4. Looking at Art: After taking an art class in college, my boyfriend and I have spent a decent amount of time in art museums and I am so glad that we can experience artwork together. Again, art is able to move me emotionally and I love having something inspiring to look at whether it’s an original Monet at the Boston Art Museum or the poster of Van Gogh’s Starry Night Over the Rhone, art is one of my favorite things.
  5. Saving Money: I have always been careful with my money. I love to put my money away and watch my savings grow. This clashes very harshly with one of my other favorite activities of going out to eat but I try to balance things out to the best of my abilities.
  6. Going out to Eat: Oh boy, do I love going out to dinner, lunch, breakfast, fro-yo, you name it! I thank the stars that my boyfriend deters me from going out to eat and often convinces me to save my money. Thank you Ricky, I would have no money without you by my side.
  7. Spending time with my Parents: I feel as if I truly didn’t appreciate my parents until about two years ago. Without their love, support, and guidance I would not be the person I am today. I am moving away to college in a few months and each moment I share with them I cherish.
  8. Animals: What have we done to deserve animals? With their sweet faces and willingness to love and be loved in return. They are truly amazing.
  9. Doing Laundry: I hope Ricky never reads this one. It’s very satisfying to me to see my laundry hamper be empty and have all of my clothes in their proper place. The actual process of “doing laundry” I guess is less fun, but without struggle there is no strength.
  10. Getting Ready for the Day: Take a shower, dry your hair, do your makeup, and be prepared to seize the day. That’s what I tell myself every morning when I don’t want to crawls away from my cozy bed. After the long process of preparing for the day is over I know that I am ready to take on the world, even if I slide back into my bed for a little nap afterwards.
  11. Cooking and Baking: I am still getting a handle on the cooking thing but the baking thing I have down. It’s Christmas time and you need me to bring a dessert? I am on it and I will own it.
  12. Goofing around with Ricky: Ricky, who is my boyfriend if that has not been established earlier, is a very silly man. He loves to annoy, tickle, torture, and make me laugh. He has taught me to lighten up and have fun while fun can be had and I will always be grateful for that.
  13. Organizing and Planning: I don’t always accomplish the tasks that I write down. But by organizing them in a planner or calendar I feel a sort of relief that I have mapped out the tasks and will eventually tackle them in due time.
  14. Alone time: I think that one of the greatest things about my relationship with Ricky is that we are not afraid to tell each other that we need some space. We have taken classes together in college, worked at the same place, and workout together. Sometimes we just need a break from each other. Sometimes I just need a break from everybody. There is nothing wrong with craving time for yourself and wanting a minute to breath.
  15. Learning new words: Ricky uses me as his personal thesaurus on occasion. If there is a new word, I hear or see I will google it and I will memorize it. For instance, while selecting a new flavor of Ben and Jerry’s the other night I chose the flavor titles “Truffle Kerfuffle.” Wondering whether or not Kerfuffle was a word or not I googled it and found that indeed Kerfuffle is a brilliant word meaning “a commotion or fuss.” A perfect way to describe my vanilla ice cream teaming with pecans, fudge chunks, and chocolate salted ganache.

 

“Take time to do what makes your soul happy”

F. Scott Fitzgerald Makes Me Want More

“She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile even if she was sad. No, she wasn’t beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul.”

– F. Scott Fitzgerald

This quote, this amazingly beautiful quote makes me question my relationship. All our lives we are surrounded by these romantic movies about guys who chase girls, bad boys who change to be with the sweet and innocent girl, or two broken people who fix each other. We are force fed these movies, and then told that they are lies.

Our parents or elders remind us constantly that those are just movies. People don’t really do those incredibly romantic things. People don’t really poor their hearts out and say those unbelievably beautiful words to each other. Until they do.

F. Scott Fitzgerald isn’t the only actual person to actually love someone in such a deep and earth shattering way that we all secretly seethe with jealousy. History is filled with romantic gestures that fill us all with the hope that we will find the one, that person who truly understands us deep down to our core. Who connects with you on such a real level that you can never feel embarrassed or ashamed around them. You can always be yourself, your true wild, hilarious, ugly, and sometimes stupid self. The person who can look at you from across a room and you instantly smile as your whole body fills with joy. Sure you guys will fight, but it will be real, passionate fighting. None of that passive aggressive secretly loathing each other fighting. All of these things that these authors, kings, queens, ordinary every day joe’s describe as love is a real thing. It’s out there. And yet, we settle for “alright”.

I, myself, have found that I am locked in an “alright” relationship. I am only eighteen and some of you may think that that’s too young to realize what love is. Well maybe I’m not but I think I’ve found what love isn’t. I have been with this guy for about nine months now and we say I love you and sometimes I get those butterflies but I just don’t feel it. That spark. That sign from the universe that lets me know that I am with the right man. And don’t tell me that that sign doesn’t exist. It’s out there. That’s where quotes like the one above come from. True, unabashed love. I plan on settling for nothing less.

Here’s what I find to be off about my relationship. I disagree with the way he acts towards his parents. He can be lazy and seems to only think about himself at times. He doesn’t seem to value education and has no exact plan for his future. He bumbles around and hopes for the best. He makes comments like “you have potential” and “if I don’t cut you” jokingly on a constant basis. These comments are always followed quickly by an “just kidding, I love you.” I care about him, I know that for sure. But the word “love” is still up in the air for me. But the real thing, the thing that keeps me up at night, is that he doesn’t text me good night.

Let me explain. He doesn’t text me goodnight, he rambles on about his day, interrupts me, doesn’t open the door, ask me if I want something to drink, initiate the cuddling, or any of those things. It’s like that scene from The Breakup. I know that he doesn’t want to do the dishes, but I want him to want to help me do the dishes. It’s not all about him. Maybe I’m just a different personality type who appreciates the little things but I can’t keep pretending that his lack of “small affections” doesn’t bother me.

The love I want is the kind that is constant. The kind that doesn’t make me question it. Even if we fight I still know that I will always, always want to be with them. I want the love that F. Scott Fitzgerald talks about. The messy, respectful, and undying love of an imperfect man. I hope this love exists and even more, I hope that I can find it.